i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
