your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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