I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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