A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
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