I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
