Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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