Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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