went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
