I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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