Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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