so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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