she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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