We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
