dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
