That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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