They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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