I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
