Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize