i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
