big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
