dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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