Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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