Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I've blown a few things in my day
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
