Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Say something about gay babies.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
