if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
