FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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