my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize