I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
