i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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