I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
