no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize