my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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