Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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