he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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