What a fucking waste of an outfit
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
