At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
