life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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