College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
