He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
