Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
