haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
