well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
