i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
