my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
