it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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