Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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