Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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