I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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