he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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