feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
