I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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