I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
