I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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