yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Holy sore nipples Batman
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
