Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
