who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
