The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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