She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
