I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
