I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
