Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
