How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
