I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
