Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
