it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
