thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
