Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize