Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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