You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
