I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
