I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
