When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize