After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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