Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I wish my penis had an off switch
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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