Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
