what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize