There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize