carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
