Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
