News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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