This dress was meant to end up on your floor
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
