so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
