We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I have demons in me.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
