How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
