you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
