That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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