I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
