There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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