i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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