Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
