Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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