I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
