New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
