You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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