the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize