now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
where are you?
Hypothermia
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
