Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
