Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
