He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
