I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
