my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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