He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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