We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
