I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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