just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
