My liver just broke up with me...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i've created a new STD.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
