Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
